Decision Rendered: I’m Staying

May 14th, 2011

So, it’s now 100% cemented in my mind.  This is what my life is about, this is what I’m supposed to do. I strayed from this path once and it nearly killed me.  I cannot and will not do it again, just for the temptation of comfort.  I’d rather be poor doing what I love than rich and hating myself for giving up.  Jesus, I’m scared shitless because I worry what Fundy will do but at the same time I have complete conviction that going to Portland would be a complete betrayal of myself.  There’s nothing I want more in the world than to simply use my sense of humor to make the world a better place.  It’s the one thing I know I have that others don’t and while I’m still sometimes a chicken shit on stage live, that fear is already dissipating as I force myself to step out in faith.

I’m fucking crying my eyes out as I write this, because I think I really was scared that I’d have to go to Portland and give up on all of this stuff.  The truth is, it’s the only time I feel alive and feel special, like I have something that others don’t.  The rest of my design and marketing skills and photography skills are nice to have, but they don’t quite serve me in every capacity.

This is who I am.  I’m not afraid of my own success, but I’ll have to figure out how it’s all going to work.  Help me Tim, you need to get creative and then get inspired.  I need you more now than ever, let’s go ahead and make our dreams come true.

Entry Filed under: Morning Pages